a friend told me that i think i am a nice guy. that opened my eyes somewhat. thinking you are nice makes you blind to your faults which eventually leads to a singular sucidal implosion of self destruction. however i do try to be nice to everyone, until i cannot take it anymore when people start walking all over me. then i explode. that or just brood. that is not healthy; that's me. i can change, but do i want to make the effort to? think shall no longer try to please people. being *always* helpful, available and saying yes causes others to overlook you and take you for granted.

side note here about alcohol. why do people like to torture themselves so? in elaboration, they drink copious amounts of the stuff only to puke it out later accompanied with great agony as their body tries to expel the amount unable to be broken down. the sequence is as follows:
1. drink
2. get drunk
3a. dance like a madman (or woman)
b. talk rapidly on hyper mode, sometimes incoherently
c. cry, laugh, or sing uncontrollably, inexplicably and/or incessantly
4a. go to toilet and puke and end up hugging the commode and sleeping
b. stagger out of the joint and puke by the road
c. somehow find a way to get home and puke in your own toilet
5. get home (yours or otherwise) and sleep
6. wake up with a pounding headache and a bad mood
7. repeat steps 1 to 6 the next day/weekend
why do people like to hurt their own bodies? granted dutch courage allows you to do things you would not normally do and display pent up emotions but doesn't this hint at a deeper problem? mental, physical and spiritual are all linked in an interdependent relationship. is this a way at filling up the emptiness in their lives, suppressing the pain in their hearts or forgetting the problems they face? why run when you can just face up to it and get it over and done with? however hard you run, some day it will catch up with you and you end up facing it eventually.

to brian, i wish your grandmother good health and hope she recovers to full health asap.

to ruijie, just be yourself. to keep changing is to not be settled. people's impressions of a person run deep and are hard to change so instead of changing yourself to fit what they think is acceptable, accept yourself, your traits, and your limits.

eh singwei just relax on the design. the content matters more man.

to sachel and cheryl, finally it's been done and settled. no more problems regarding that issue anymore okay? my bad but i'm doing something about it.

and to my friends who study overseas, yes that means you esther, rachel, yingwen, wenqi, sarah, elaine, hanrong, vanessa and melissa, hope you all enjoy the overseas experience and liberation endowed by breaking free of the rigid mould termed the singapore education system. independence in a woman is a virtue most conservative men and MCPs can't see. hopefully it will also turn the kitchen disasters into competent chefs.

until i can reach a scanner or have one appear in front my me by eye power now, i will not be able to add more pictures to my online album till much later when i come back from the jungle in a week's time. till then i will be keeping radio silence in a forested area surrounded by people who would just love to issue me a casualty card and get me dripped by a novice medic who takes multiple jabs at my arm with the long thick needle of a saline bag in an attempt to find a major blood vessel.

Bertram awoke @ 1:31 PM with