i only like to go outfield for one reason... fireflies. not those artificial floating dots you see in the drama serials, but real flickering fireflies. brings a sense of nostalgia for the childhood i never had. never caught spiders, climbed trees, cycled in parks. spent much of my time at home either reading or playing nintendo, then sega, super nintendo and playstation. dull isn't it?

just came back from gpmg range. burned my thumb while doing a barrel change. now it has an imprint of the metal part i accidentally touched. it was ridged metal, and i can feel the new ridges in my thumb. feels kinda like running my fingers over a washing board. ow.

is it so important to be part of and belong to a group? is it even necessary in the first place? when young i've tried to fit in, failed, and then self amusement came along. spent a greater part of my time finding solitary activities to occupy myself. reading, swimming, video games. maybe to others who are part of a clique or group would think the next question is all crap, but for those who never did seeem to fit in anywhere, it would be something to think about. need we change ourselves to fit in? personally i've viewed changing my intrinsic self, my behaviour, manner of speech and way of thinking just to be part of something is pointless. i could never maintain a facade, a veneer of falsity that cracks easily. people let you down a lot, and if you are one who tries to fit in when the rest are already good buddies, they tend to forget you most of the time when they have outings. reality bites.

Bertram awoke @ 1:19 AM with