contradictions.

i have a headache, tired yet i wanna go out and do things. i force myself to stay awake and active every moment to see what i can rarely see. i want to meet up with friends, to sit at a table and talk over a cup of coffee and cake. yet, i just wanna stay at home and curl up in my blanket and hide from the world with only my baby eeyore to keep me company.

dysfunctional.

sad videos. heart wrenching lyrics. music that fiils your soul and leaves you feeling more empty before when it ends and flows away. give me more. and the more you take in the emptier you feel. nickelback's someday mtv. watch it. feel it. live it. things you wish could happen to you in your life because it seems like a culmination of what you want in life. yet it's such a strange morbid fascination. not only that but also a walk to remember, or kiss's because i am a woman. things you would never have to balls to do but can only contemplete and think.

pain.

i hurt. my heart aches. i cry. the cycle repeats. anger, jealousy, regret, desire, avarice, an amalgam of pain. i want love. a salve to reduce it. a placebo or a true cure?

cycles.

it never ends just there.

Bertram awoke @ 7:54 PM with