laugh in public, weep in private. the two faces of the masks of drama, comedy and tragedy. two faces of a coin but always hand in hand. that's how i lead my life. rarely do people see me cry. and that's how my life goes on.

i'm not sorry for sounding so melancholy, depressed or full of angst. this is a blog meant to vent myself, an outlet. so if you think this is too depressing for you then go read something else. why should i change myself to fit the whims and preferences of others? if you think this is all i do, just sit and go "oh my my life is so sad" and just cry and fill in this blog with inane content, think again. don't go forming your own conclusions without even attempting to find out more. like my father.

oh update. he seems to be very proud of his disowning of my uncle, telling everyone about it. talk about washing dirty linen in public. it's so degrading that it's repulsive. apparently when i was out cycling yesterday he was busy making a fool of himself at my grandmother's house. and apparently after being told yesterday that his sister had moved house, he did not listen, and today when he brought us to the old address and my mom told him the address was somewhere else instead he replied with a sarcastic "thank you very much". we are not begging you to give us a lift. if you're not happy, then fuck off. no need to act like a shallow family man giving us a lift and cursing and swearing after that. we can manage on our own thank you very much. our original plans of getting from point a to b never for once included you. when we learn how to be independent, you become useless. you are peripheral. but well let's give the man some credit. at least he acted like he listened. can't believe that when my aunt , through him, invited my family for lunch at her house today, he did not relay the message to my mum at all. intentional? knowing this man now, highly likely.

i feel like a zombie plodding around the house. lifeless, sluggish.

Bertram awoke @ 1:15 PM with