karma.

long time since i updated. think karma is a valid concept. do good stuff and someday it may just come back to you. not $$$ wise or anything. just meeting nice helpful people is good enough.

bored.

thinking of cycling around the island... hahaz wonder if i can find my way anywhere. without a singapore road directory. lol.

christmas.

all i can think of christmas is nothing. i just want to upgrade the last bits of my bike and that's all. save up for a road bike next.

Bertram awoke @ 4:52 PM with (0) flashes of inspiration

sanctuary.

anyone who reads this and has a spare room in their house, or a room for rent, tell me. for reasons as to why, please see above.

backlash.

always the problems of the previous generation will affect the current in one way or another.

Bertram awoke @ 11:58 PM with (0) flashes of inspiration

hanging on.

just had rock climbing lesson today. damn tired. but it was fun. gotta keep training bouldering and practising on overhangs. really tough those. soon get shoes, harness got to think about it. really expensive those. i climb as a distraction. i climb to think, to visualise. just like i cycle.

hidden words.

just like i hang on to the wall like my life depended on it, i hang on to my sanity. in my house i can never have peace. in my own home! so i go out to cycle. day, night, doesn't matter. or i start a day activity while i cycle at night. in this case i climb rock walls, though i see myself bouldering more than climbing. cycle cycle cycle. climb climb climb. at least i get more fit. changed my nsf bank account so that all my pay goes into my pocket instead of some seperate account my dad controls. who knows where the money will all end up in the future. mum is paranoid, dad is acting strange. more and more accounts are set up but all this is more like a shadow, a hoax, a smokescreen. reasons to put money in but nothing goes in.

Bertram awoke @ 8:02 PM with (0) flashes of inspiration

tired.

lazy to write anything. what people want to know, should know, and what they don't want to know. seems simple emough to leave things as they are when the entire machine is still functioning. the writer filters out what he thinks people don't want to hear, transcribes what people want to know or think they know. blissfully ignorant. saves a lot of pain and trouble in the long run.

life.

sometimes i wish life was like a comic strip. everything stops at a punchline and does not play out into a huge cruel joke. false hopes and shattered egos aside, maybe all the cruel things in life would suffer retribution some day. don't the words "apocalypse" or "armageddon" sound sexy?

ends.

is there anything to lose at all except our current state of consciousness? what happens after? what we are all attached to are but physical objects or mental concepts to which we place great importance and live our lives around them. what happens after? or if these things disappear? would we live "the simple life"? a state where we don't feel attachment to anything. is it being cold, aloof, unfeeling? or just being a contrast to what currently is?

me.

was i ever like this? did i even stop, pause and think so much before? maybe this is a moment of relevation when i start to open my eyes and scrutinise the things around me. or am i just nit-picking? living without wondering how food gets to the table, how you have to work your arse off and bust your balls before you can even get any results, without caring how what you do has an effect, however small, on the people around you. amazing how i pulled it all off before. asking parents for things which they pay for but i use, asking them for money which they give me reluctantly but i spend frivolously, not wondering what they give up to give me that amount of money. me and many others. wonder if they have awakened to reality. the dream that has gone on for far too long in all its 20 years end here.

Bertram awoke @ 11:53 AM with (0) flashes of inspiration