life is like...

a vanilla milkshake. hard to suck up the straw, and sweet and creamy in small amounts. take too much to hard too fast and it is tough to swallow.

that's what i thought drinking one at mos burger one day. and why is mos burger the only fast food joint selling milkshakes nowadays?

on a wholly different note, i have a headache. why is this so significant? cos i just received an email from poetry.com requesting that i submit a poem for a seperate contest and publication. guess i would not be able to think of anything for the next few days lol. inspirational drought too.

Bertram awoke @ 5:56 PM with (0) flashes of inspiration

my friend asked me this today.

"bertram, tonight nus bash at zouk wanna go?"

i replied, "and to what cause?"

and his reply was as follows.

"go there and havoc lah"

i hesitated. like most people would when they are faced with such a sudden proposition as this. for one discos are out for me. i've never been to one and i don't really intend to go to one in the near future. dancing on the dance floor to loud music while intoxicated is not really a night i want to remember from the puke on the floor later when i get home.

i hesitated where i would have just replied with a yes before. guess i am just growing older. that or tired.

Bertram awoke @ 11:22 PM with (0) flashes of inspiration

my biggest mistake in life is most definitely flirting. i do it badly. what makes it worse is that sometimes, i do it unknowingly. either that or i am damn bad at people relations. it usually ends up in me screwing up what could have been a normal friendship. then i change totally. jump into the other personality that just sits in a corner, keeps quiet and hope no one sees me. swinging between the two is not really a good thing. which is why some people think i am a pretty screwed up person. can't really blame them for thinking that way.

what this blog was meant to be, an online journal of sorts, has become more of a confessional cum diary cum scribble pad.

and speaking of scribble pads, to write this down, ever since my friend invited me to join friendster.com and in my boredom i just looked at pages after pages of profiles and added people i know to be friends, i've had weird dreams of the people i added. of all things. must either be the odd shift hours doing duty at sembawang wharves or been eating too much before sleeping. actually woke up to a nightmare at sembawang wharves one night during my rest shift. dunno what was that all about but i woke with a start and actually sat up with my chest gripped with a sort of imaginary (or real?) pain. ouch.

Bertram awoke @ 3:25 AM with (0) flashes of inspiration

bored enough to do quizilla quizzes. in a really quirky mood now so decided to do these two sorta funny looking quizzes.



What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla




Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

.....
how nice. gay bear. that's just so me...
hahaha~!

Bertram awoke @ 1:02 AM with (0) flashes of inspiration

how far do we deviate from what we want to be? in focusing on our goals we lose sight of ourselves. how many of us have aimed for what we wanted and done things we would not have normally done to get there? does this process of life harden our hearts, making us build a wall around us to act as a form of protection? does it turn us into the very persona we do not wish ourselves to be? this happens to me occasionally and when it does, i end up with a drastic change in behaviour. like a whole personality swap. i pull back, become someone else, and finally achieve nothing but pain. to find the real me...

we promise ourselves to avoid bad habits, make resolutions to not repeat our parents' mistakes.
a. i won't smoke.
b. i won't gamble.
c. i won't drink.
d. i won't visit prostitutes.
e. i swear i will forever be faithful to my spouse (which is what everyone swears in their wedding vows but most don't follow anyway).
f. i won't be life that guy/girl i hated so much in school.

there are so many things we do not want to be, but do we know what we want to be? what if we listed things that we want to be and followed those instead?
a. i want to benefit society
b. i want to help the needy
c. i want to change the system, to make things better.
d. i want to fall in love.
e. i want to live a full life.
f. i want to have a happy family.

in making goals that causes you to develop positive attitudes, it would benefit you as a person in a whole. ideally that is. would this system work? i hope so...

Bertram awoke @ 7:46 PM with (0) flashes of inspiration

took bus number 123 to hotel miramar for dinner yesterday and got up the bus from the bus stop in front of the thai embassy. an incident happened that made me realise how ugly singaporeans are.

the bus was behind another and had not stopped to pick up any passengers. so the front one does so and clears the bus lane, right? the one behind follows closely and stops within the bay to pick up passengers. all of a sudden this small car cuts from the outer lane into the bus lane, which at that time of 7 pm is restricted to buses only. the driver, a she who proclaims herself a prison officer, stops in the bus lane and gets out to quarrel with the bus driver for god knows what reason. the bus driver was a retired policeman, and quite obviously driving at such a slow speed in the bus lane to stop right at the bus stop would not make him the cause of the accident. so guess who was the one at fault? and the same person started quarrelling as well. we all stood up for the bus driver, all the passengers. what a bitch of a woman wanting to just keep quarrelling and quarreling, even accused the bus driving of shouting and being rude when (a) she is doing the same and (b) the bus driver has to keep to a schedule, has only 20 min for a dinner he has not yet eaten and the woman is delaying him and all of us. which brings us to the point of how ugly, unreasonable and unsympathetic some singaporeans are. from what i see, as the bus stop was in front of a traffic light, she obviously tried to beat the light and slice in front of the bus to enter a left turn lane just slightly further ahead. lousy, reckless driver and still trying to claim the bus driver caused the incident. who wouldn't be pissed? and there was no damage to her car even from what i saw.

just to say this out of justice. i support you mr ramesh, driver of bus service no 123, sbs 1942 b who stopped at that bus stop at 1910 hours yesterday. i as well as the gentleman who spoke up for you will definitely send in reedback to sbs to prevent you pay from being docked by that bitch's complaint.

Bertram awoke @ 5:26 PM with (0) flashes of inspiration

did some minor changes of sorts. made a new blog to put all my poems in and put a link to it on the left.

just came back from sembawang wharves. now enjoying my off. really difficult to stay awake, alert and fresh as a daisy for 8 hours straight, especially when you don't have enough rest. sleeping at odd hours and interrupted sleep at that is not rest.

the highlight of the place is the navy exchange which a minimart full of american products. considering that there is a us navy and air force office there, and that american ships dock there from time to time, it's inevitable that someone would set up a place to sell stuff from home for the american soldiers and sailors.

Bertram awoke @ 5:49 PM with (0) flashes of inspiration

i only like to go outfield for one reason... fireflies. not those artificial floating dots you see in the drama serials, but real flickering fireflies. brings a sense of nostalgia for the childhood i never had. never caught spiders, climbed trees, cycled in parks. spent much of my time at home either reading or playing nintendo, then sega, super nintendo and playstation. dull isn't it?

just came back from gpmg range. burned my thumb while doing a barrel change. now it has an imprint of the metal part i accidentally touched. it was ridged metal, and i can feel the new ridges in my thumb. feels kinda like running my fingers over a washing board. ow.

is it so important to be part of and belong to a group? is it even necessary in the first place? when young i've tried to fit in, failed, and then self amusement came along. spent a greater part of my time finding solitary activities to occupy myself. reading, swimming, video games. maybe to others who are part of a clique or group would think the next question is all crap, but for those who never did seeem to fit in anywhere, it would be something to think about. need we change ourselves to fit in? personally i've viewed changing my intrinsic self, my behaviour, manner of speech and way of thinking just to be part of something is pointless. i could never maintain a facade, a veneer of falsity that cracks easily. people let you down a lot, and if you are one who tries to fit in when the rest are already good buddies, they tend to forget you most of the time when they have outings. reality bites.

Bertram awoke @ 1:19 AM with (0) flashes of inspiration

would there be such a thing as a fair and just world? is it possible to bring to fruition what people have set out to achieve so long ago by producing a codex of laws describing what is not permissible and the punishments if the law was infringed upon? well people were told what they could not do, but there were a whole lot of things they can do but were not described. hence the continuation of undesirable but still permissible activities. the loopholes. is our own idea of a fair and just world an egocentric one? that it must always be to our own benefit first, others second, sometimes others need not even be considered? me, me, me. humans are always selfish.

i admit i am thinking of myself. why am i picked upon, why i am being arrowed to do so many things, why are there always these certain people who always laze around and never get noticed. sigh... but then again, this is prevalent everywhere, at work, in schools, everywhere. what hurts is that i am not able to do anything about it, while those who can never see or ignore it.

i know how ruijie feels, and sometimes i feel depressed as well. doing stuff to feel happy, to distract myself. is happiness a healthy state of mind? or is it a form of self delusion, convincing and believing i am happy. therefore by believing i will become happy. what is it that people need in their life? how do we abate depression? all i can do is just take things in my stride, exhale and then sigh, or sit in a corner and cry. fragile. a hardened exterior to protect a soft centre. bashed and cracked. are there others who feel the same way as well?

Bertram awoke @ 8:21 PM with (0) flashes of inspiration

back home... and i've finally learnt how to cycle on suday night. yay~!

Bertram awoke @ 5:26 PM with (0) flashes of inspiration